This subject is so touchy. I do not want to offend anyone. I want everyone to compromise and be happy. I understand everyone's sensitivity and that sensitivity must be taken into consideration when approaching the topic and looking for a solution. Below is my list of talking points about Civil Unions and Gay Marriage.
- Gay History: the Gay community has every right to worry whether they will be treated fair in a long term relationship. Their history shows extreme discrimination, bigotry, and restrictions on their freedom and rights. San Francisco's gay community was born when the U.S. military discharged large numbers of soldiers for being homosexual. Police in towns and cities across America used to "roust" and "harrass" the gay community. The police were supposed to be there to protect them the same as any citizen. They didn't, instead they were the enemy. The recent repeal of DADT in the military is a big step, and long overdue, toward fairness and equality in the military. Gay's sensitivity to the issues of equality are completely justified by history.
- Gay Couple Equality: gays couples must be provided a long term relationship that is equal but does not have to be the same as current marriage's whose many rules and religious aspects are incompatible with a same sex relationship. The gay community should want to define its own long term civil union relationship that fits the same sex situation better than existing marriage.
- Gay Couples Needs: the reason for a new civil union is two fold. Same sex relationships are different than a traditional procreation relationship and marriage, which has been around for thousands of years. It has some religious connotations incompatible with same sex relationships. Originally marriage was designed for a traditional role for the mother and for the father. It defined the nuclear family with the parents and their children, as the building block of society. There are some rules/laws in marriage that favor the mother over the father including alimony, child support, and child custody.
- Same Sex Issues: Some same sex relationship questions that come up are: should each partner be responsible for the other's bills? Should the alimony laws apply to a gay relationship? Who is the primary caretaker of any children? If current marriage laws are applied to same sex relationships some rewrites will be needed. If rewrites made for same sex then by definition means that same sex relationships are different from 1 man 1woman relationships.
- Marriage is Religious: The religious component of marriage existed first. The civil component came later. They both define a 1 man 1 woman relationship. The religious component of marriage is not compatible with homosexual relationships. Marriage is one of the 7 sacraments of the Christian religion. These sacraments include: Baptism, Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders, and Anointing the Sick. I am not sure what all these sacraments really mean, but to people of Christian faith they are important milestones that are part of their religious faith. We need to be sensitive to the freedom of someone's religion. There are fixed names, rules, and requirements for each sacrament. Unfortunately, homosexuality is not compatible with all these religious rules and beliefs. If you change the definition of marriage you are altering a defined religious relationship between a man and a woman. People who are religious do not want their religious definitions changed. They want to keep the word "marriage" as meaning a relationship between a man and a woman. It's been that way for thousands of years. No reason to change it, because a relationship between a man and a woman has nothing to do with a same sex relationship.
- Compromise: to not effect existing religion and to provide equal treatment for same sex couples requires the definition of a new same sex civil union. The gay community seems to think if their relationship is not called marriage then it is different not equal. The new civil union is equal to marriage and in fact may have better rules than marriage because the gay community gets to define that civil union from the ground up, including a name for it. This is the best compromise. Same sex couples define what they want, religious couples gets to keep what it has had since beginning of time. Religion is not impacted by same sex relationships, and same sex relationships are not impacted by religious doctrine.
- Terminology Reality: if you redefine marriage to include same sex then you have changed the meaning of a religious word. If someone says "yes I am married". The next question is "to a man or woman?" You have changed the meaning of a word that has been around unchanged for thousands of years. The question comes up, "What gives the gay community the right to change the definition of a relationship between a man and a woman? Their gay. They have nothing to do with the relationship between a man and a woman".
- Meaning of Words: There are examples of words that the meaning has changed and now do not mean the same as before. Best example: the word "gay". The word used to mean "lighthearted and carefree", and the dictionary still has that definition. But if you say gay these days it has only one meaning because the use of the word has changed. It's always used to describe a homosexual. The same thing will happen if other words, religious words like "marriage", change meaning.
